Very sick Gallbladder 6 days postpartum

So the 6th day of Brayson's life was not a great day for mommy. 1st that morning we went for his checkup and he had gained weight and the Dr. said everything looked good and to come back in a week. He weighed 4 lbs 15 oz at this appt and was 4 lbs 13 leaving the hospital so he had gained weight! After his appointment I had one for the pain I was having. The dr. said it sounded like my gallbladder and ordered me to have bloodwork and an ultrasound that day. I came home and took a nap and pumped and then my mom picked me up to take me to my ultrasound. I had my blood taken for the labs and then went and had the ultrasound. I asked the tech if she would be able to tell me what she saw and she told me she was not allowed to give the results. This was the same tech who told us Brayson was in fact a boy! After a few minutes into the scan she looked at me and said I'm surprised you are not in more pain. Your gallbladder is about to explode. A normal gallbladder is about 5mm yours is 11mm. She then told me I could not leave that she needed me to wait in the waiting room while she contacted my Dr. and the radiologist. I waited there and called Danny and told him that more than likely I was having emergency surgery that evening or the next morning. The tech came out and told me the Dr. would be calling me shortly. Once he called he told me that I needed to go straight to Northside Hospital Emergency room and the surgeon would be meeting with me from there.

My mom drove me to the hospital and I just cried. All I wanted to do in my life was be a mommy and the day after my son comes home I have to go back to the hospital to have surgery and I can't even be there for him. I was also super concerned about breastfeeding b/c of the surgery. Danny obviously had to stay home with the baby and I asked my mom to go and stay with him that night and help him out. My dad went to my house to get me what I needed and he was going to stay the night with me in the hospital. Shortly after arriving at the hospital they put me in a ER room. They came in and hooked up my IV and gave me some pain meds. They told me that from there on until I was off of pain meds I would have to pump and dump. When my dad arrived I did pump and dump which was depressing. A Dr finally came in and talked to us and explained what was going on. Apparently all of my liver panel was extremely elevated indicating the infection. I was also turning jaundice from being so sick. He then explained to us that I would be having laproscopic surgery that night probably around 9 and I should be able to go home the next morning if no complications happened. They were going to have to go in 1st and make sure no stones were blocking anything. If they were then I might have to have a 2nd surgery the following day. A little while later they came and got me and took me to a new room where I was waiting to have surgery and they were prepping me. Then around 8:45 they came and got me and wheeled me into the OR for the surgery. I don't really remember anything after getting in that room so I guess the medicine was pretty good!

I woke up and was in some pain so asked for some pain meds. I believe it was around 12 or 12:30 that I got to my room and my dad got there shortly after. He told me that the Dr. told him it was a good thing that we got it out when we did b/c I was very sick. If my gallbladder had exploded and Brayson was still in me he could have died along with me being very very sick. Everything happens for a reason and God knew that he needed to come early b/c his momma was sick. At the time you don't know why things happen the way they do but it always seems to work out that you find the answer. I truly believe Brayson came early b/c I needed to be diagnosed with my gallbladder and if he was still in me I might not have gotten the blood work or ultrasound to diagnose it. Dad and I came home around 9am the next morning. I was so happy to see my baby! I held him for a little while and then took a nap. I was in a lot of pain from the incisions and also they put gas in your belly so it made my belly ache. I tried to pump a few times during the day but was just so sore and out of it I didn't do it much. My mom spent the night with us again to help with the baby as I couldn't do to much. The next day I pumped every 3 hours but my milk supply had dwindled to almost nothing. I tried to get him to eat from me and still nothing worked. That night Danny still fed him every 3 hours while I pumped. Still my production was not increasing. Saturday morning Danny had tennis and my mom came over to help me with the baby. She came in my room to ask me how I was and I just burst into tears. The surgery had totally killed my milk production and I was getting so depressed about it. I had decided that instead of getting postpartum depression that it would be better to just formula feed Brayson. My mom said she totally understood. I was worried about telling Danny how I felt though b/c he was very pro about me breastfeeding. That afternoon I told him and he was upset but agreed. I felt this was a good decision not only for me but also for Brayson. This way we knew exactly how much he was eating and he was on a higher calorie formula for premature babies. Since having my gallbladder out I have had 1 of the side effects they said was common and that is going to the restroom a few times a day sometimes just after taking a sip of water. I also got a very sore belly button from the incision but for the most part I feel much better and have healed well. The dr. said it can take up to a year after a surgery for your body to completely recover.

Life in the NICU

The day after my water broke the NICU team came in and talked to Danny and I about what we could expect with having a 6 week premature baby. They told us that we should expect him to be in the NICU until his due date maybe a few weeks before just depending. That was so sad to me b/c 6 weeks is a long time for a baby to be at the hospital. When Brayson was born he didn't need help breathing b/c his lungs had matured b/c of the steroid shots. He actually scored 9/9 on his APGARS and his breathing was at 100%. He was bigger than expected we were told earlier in the week between 4 1/2 to 5 lbs. When Brayson came out he was so healthy and was plump and did not look like a premature baby. He did have an IV put in him b/c of precautions b/c my water had been broken for so long. He would have to be on antibiotics for 2 days and they would test him to make sure he was okay and no infection.

After a few hours of sleep after he was born I was anxious to go and see my baby. I went down there and he was just so sweet and so small but he looked healthy and good and big especially compared to the other babies in the NICU. A little while later I met with the lactation consultant and started pumping to give him my milk. Later that day I went down with my dad. They had to draw his blood then and pricked his poor little foot and he cried and cried and I cried and cried that was so hard for me. I did get to hold him and even try to feed him. It was so amazing to hold and cuddle my baby. My heart just grew and grew for my little guy. We visited him as much as we could that day and later in the evening he got moved to another part of the NICU. I continued to pump and bring him down milk.

The day after was a tough day for Brayson. He had a feeding tube put in and they also had to put an IV in his head b/c his poor veins in his hands had blown b/c they were so tiny. That was so hard to see tubes and needles in my baby's head. Later that day he also had developed jaundice and had to go under the bili lights and I couldn't hold him at all. I was so sad. I did get to hold him later that evening and we went back for his 11 o clock feeding and Danny even got to feed him which was so nice. We were able to change his diaper and hold him for a few minutes. Sat he was doing better but still needed the lights. We met with the lactation consultant again down in the NICU so I could get him to latch on and eat from me. He did great with that and it was so awesome. My milk had come in full force that day and my boobs were so heavy and sore. I was then released from the hospital. After being in there for a week I was so happy to get outside and go home but at the same time I was so sad I had to leave my baby. We had to go to the store and get a few things that Brayson would need that we didn't have yet. My parents went around 8 that night and were so happy b/c they got to feed him and hold him. We went in at 11 that night and got to feed him and the NICU nurse told us he was doing so well and didn't expect him to be in there for very long. Sunday was Father's day and the 1st for Danny! We got a call that am telling us that Brayson had been moved to the Annex NICU, which is the stepdown NICU for the babies getting ready to be released from the hospital. What a great Father's Day present. Brayson had his feeding tube out and the IV's out and was out from the lights. It was so nice to see. He was also in an open crib and maintaining his own temperature. The NICU nurse also made Danny a father's day card which was so sweet. Danny loved it. We visited him a few times that day so I could feed him and bring him milk. Monday was pretty much the same he continued to improve and we visited him as much as possible. He got circumcised and we were told he was being discharged the following day!! We watched the discharge videos and got excited about him coming home. Brayson was doing good on eating and breastfeeding.

On Tuesday I hadn't gotten a call yet so around 11 I called and they said they were still waiting for him to be discharged by the Dr. So we ran a few errands and got to the hospital around 1 or 1:30. I was starting to feel the same rib pain I had felt in the beginning of May. So I was walking around in pain trying to ignore it. It took about 3 hours before they were able to discharge him but then he was all ours.  We brought him home and my family came over and had dinner with us. I continued trying to feed him.  My rib was starting to hurt worse and worse and I just didn't feel good but I wanted to take care of my baby. After all how lucky were we that our 6 week early baby came home in 5 days? When we got home our a/c proceeded to break and we had to get someone out to the house immediately with a brand new baby at home it was way to hot. The day before that our water heater had gone out again so we weren't having the best of luck. After everyone left I went to take a nap in between feedings but could not fall asleep b/c I was in a lot of pain. I called my mom and told her and just cried from not feeling good. That night we woke up every 3 hrs to feed the baby. I would pump and Danny would feed him b/c I was in to much pain to hold him and try to feed him. By 5am I was in so much pain and having another attack I was sweaty and nauseous and weak and I couldn't even hold my baby b/c I was afraid I was about to throw up. I curled up in a ball and after not sleeping all night I passed out. I had called the Dr. over night and had an appt at 11 and Brayson had his checkup with the pedi at 10am.

Baby Brayson comes into the world June 14th, 2012 1:01am

Wed night June 13th as the nurses switched shifts the new nurse came in to introduce herself. I was really in a lot of pain at this point. Well I told the nurse that I was having a ton of pressure and pain in my back and she told me that I was just having Braxton Hicks contractions ha. My mom decided that she was gonna go home but told my dad when she got home that I was going to have the baby that night. I got another dose of medicine and was able to fall asleep for about an hr or so. I woke up around 11 and had awful pain in my back and butt. I got up to pee and after this the back labor/contractions were unbearable. I was clinging to the side of the bed in pain. The nurse came in to put me back on the monitors. While I am clinging to the bed she is fumbling with his heartrate monitor. I am almost screaming at this point and she probably messed with the monitor for 15 min. She left the room for a minute and I told Danny that I thought his head was right there. He ran out of the room and said somebody needs to come check my wife now. A nurse comes in and barely puts 1 finger in me and felt his head. At this point it became a mad scramble. Danny packed up all of our stuff and the nurses unhooked me from everything and rushed me down to labor and delivery. I got down there probably around 12:15 and they made me change beds in the middle of trying not to push. Danny said when I switched beds you could see the baby's head. I was so exhausted at this point and felt delirious. I also think I was in a bit of shock that I was about to have my son and that I was going to have to do it without any pain medication. I was also upset that my mom wasn't there. I started to push but it was so weird b/c you have the urge to push but at the same time it feels like your body is fighting against you b/c it hurts so bad. My mom made it around 12:30 and her and my sister came in the room. I continued to push and then I was told I had made it to the point where I would feel what is called the "ring of fire" and that is exactly what it felt like. I was screaming in pain and the nurses told me to use all my strength to push. I have to say during the whole process Danny was such a good coach and support. My mom kept asking me if I wanted a mirror to see or if I wanted to feel his head. I said no b/c in between pushing I would almost fall asleep from being so tired. And when I was pushing my eyes were closed. So I finally started pushing so hard and finally out came his head. And then the rest of his body.

Brayson Keith Wilcox was born at 1:01 am on Thursday, June 14th, 2012 at 33 weeks and 6 days in room 101. He came out screaming and turned pink right away. He was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my whole life. Even being early he had chubby little cheeks! They let Danny cut his cord and they took him over to access him and weigh him. Danny came over and told me he was perfect and that he was 5lbs 5oz and 19 inches long. Which is big for 6 weeks early! I was so happy he was that big. I also was so relieved that he was out and he seemed to be doing so well. I instantly felt better when he was out. Well for a second anyway. They then had to get my placenta out and while pulling on the cord it snapped and the midwife had to reach in and pull out my placenta which was a whole new pain in itself. At this point I learned that I had torn from I believe the placenta and not the baby. I needed 2 stitches. Well since I didn't have any pain meds I was told this would be less painful if they just did the 2 stitches instead of giving me a shot to numb it. So they started the stitches and they brought over Brayson so I could hold him for a minute. I was so happy b/c when my water broke my biggest fear was that I wasn't going to get to hold my baby that I had waited so long to hold. They put him in my arms and he was just so beautiful and didn't feel that small to me at all. Danny then held him for the 1st time. I have never in my whole life seen my husband beam more than he did seeing his son and holding him for the 1st time. They then took Brayson to the NICU and Danny was allowed to go see him an hour later. My dad and brother came in the room right after he was born and my dad was so excited to see his grandchild. He told me that when he heard him cry he burst into tears b/c he knew he was okay.  Danny went and saw him and brought back each family member and Brittany one at a time to see him. My dad had the IPAD and brought back his phone so I could see him on FaceTime. I then went and saw him around 3am. They then brought us up to our room and got us all situated around 4am. In that time we had filed a former complaint about the nurse who told me that I was having Braxton Hicks and ignored the way I was acting. I mean by the time they got me down to labor and delivery I had him within 45 minutes. If she had kept ignoring me I could've had him upstairs.

33 weeks 1 day! Just a normal day right?

So as Danny and I have been doing for awhile we drove home from our trip the night before everyone else. We picked up Chipper from Mary's house and slept in our own bed which was so nice considering the bed in the hotel was like a rock. The next day was June 9th, 2012 and I was 33 weeks 1 day pregnant. The next day I was supposed to have my other baby shower with my Sterling friends from tennis! Danny and I got up that morning and headed to the Braves game to get our Sid Bream bobblehead. I told him the only way I was going was if we had covered seats. Well he got us tickets in the Lexus level which has a/c inside and I sat in there most of the time. Besides feeling tired I felt pretty normal that day. For some odd reason Danny decided that we could leave the game early and I was so happy b/c the chairs were so uncomfortable. We left and made the long walk out to the parking lot. While we were in the car on our way to the varsity I felt what I thought was a real contraction. I just figured my body was trying to get ready for labor and just preparing itself.

Danny and I went to the Varsity and ordered our food. As we were eating I was about 2/3 of the way done with my hotdog when I felt a warm gush. I'm pretty sure I lost all the color in my face. I looked up at Danny and told him that I was pretty sure my water had just broken. He was like no way. I said yes and he looked and saw water dripping off of my chair onto the floor. He ran up to the counter and asked for a towel and they gave him a tiny little washcloth haha!! Now we had the attention of all the other people in the restaurant and they came over and started offering to help. They offered to clean up and throw our food away and just told Danny to get me to the hospital. As we left the restaurant my shoes were squeaking and water was running down my legs. It was quite embarrassing. Danny got a bag out of the car for me to sit on. On the way I called my parents and told my dad my water had broken. He thought I was playing a joke at first  b/c it was so early but then could hear in my voice that I was serious and he said it's to early. On our way to the hospital Danny called our insurance and told them what had happened and that we were on our way. I stayed pretty calm but started to freak out the closer we got b/c my water continued to come out and I was scared.

When we arrived at the hospital they were expecting me but didn't have a room ready yet. I sat in the lobby of the hospital in a wheel chair for what felt like forever but I think was about 15 minutes. As I was sitting there my water continued to break and was pouring over the wheel chair onto the floor. When they wheeled me back Danny said there was a trail the whole way to the room. My parents got there pretty quick and I wanted to see my mom so bad. They put me on the monitors for me and the baby. I was contracting but they weren't very strong yet. They gave me a shot to stop the contractions and a steroid shot to help mature Brayson's lungs. I was eventually moved to a labor and delivery room. The Dr. finally came in and talked to me and told me the plan was to get 2 steroid shots and to stop labor until Friday when I would be 34 weeks. They then had to give me a 2nd shot to stop the contractions but that wasn't working so I was told I would be put on magnesium to stop the contractions and I would have to get an IV and catheter. I was so afraid to get the catheter. I was put on an extremely high dose of magnesium and had never felt so sick in my whole life. Danny went home to get a bag for me and him and our camera and anything else we may need. We weren't sure if the mag was going to work our not and needed to be prepared. My parents went home and Danny I stayed for our 1st of many nights in the hospital.

The next day was Sunday and supposed to be the day of my 2nd shower. Instead, I was in the hospital feeling like complete and total crap with the absolute worst headache and double vision. It felt like the flu times 10 ugh. I had a view visitors during the day and then my mom and aunt insisted that I be moved to the room across the hall b/c it was brighter and better view. So they moved me. I could have cared less I felt so bad so it was more for them than me. Apparently mag makes you extremely hot too so I had the air so low but everyone else was in their winter jackets in the middle of June. I was still roasting even with the air so low. I got my 2nd steroid shot and told that if I could make it to Tues I would be taken off the mag and let my body due what it wanted. Monday was more of the same feeling miserable and out of it. Finally, I made it to 8am on Tues am and they were allowed to stop the mag. Within an hr my head started to clear up and I started to feel better. I had the best nurse for 2 of those days I was in labor and delivery her name was Erin. Her and another nurse came in and gave me a sponge bath complete with a hair washing. It felt soooooo good. It also felt so good to be clean since it had been since Sat that I had showered. That day I had a pretty good day and my contractions had completely stopped. So about 3 that afternoon they decided to move me upstairs to the high risk unit. High risk is more for a long term stay and they figured I had until Fri until they were going to induce my labor they also monitor you less. It's supposed to be more of a hotel room feel. So they removed my catheter and I stood up for the 1st time in day to get in the wheel chair. I was now able to get up and use the restroom on my own but that was the only time I was allowed out of the bed.

That night we tried to go to bed early b/c we were tired but I had a really hard time sleeping. I could hear every little noise. At around 2:30 I got up to use the restroom and then noticed that I was having contractions. So I paged the nurse to come in and we monitored them for a while. They were about 7 min apart so the nurse had the midwife come check me and I was still at 1. She gave me a shot of morphine and I think I dosed in and out of sleep until around 10:30am. The best you can when the nurses and staff are in and out of your room. At 10:30 the contractions felt like they had intensified and I woke up Danny and we started timing them. They were about 5 min apart and lasting about a min each. At lunch time the Dr. came in and she checked me again. She said I was a 2. They didn't want to check me to much though b/c of the risk of infection to me and the baby. They ordered a pain killer for me and I got my 1st dose around 2.  I tried to go to sleep b/c it made me feel very loopy. But at this point I was having very bad back labor and it was hurting so bad. The medicine made the front contractions go away or to the point where I couldn't feel them. But didn't touch the back contractions. That whole day was awful for me as I was in labor and none of the nurses were listening to me.

Welcome to the 3rd Trimester

I entered the 3rd Trimester on May 4th, 2012. I had a Dr. appt today and had to take my 1 hr glucose test. After drinking that nasty orange drink and gagging getting it down I found out I failed by 10 points and would have to take the 3hr test ugh :( That night I started having really bad pain on my right side underneath my rib. I tried to go to sleep but couldn't because of the pain. I called my Dr around 1:30 and was told to take tylenol pm and call back if pain didn't go away. Well the pain didn't go away. I kept calling Danny but he was very busy at work that night and couldn't really talk to me. I tried calling my parents but they were at the lake and didn't answer their cell phones. So I just kept getting up and trying to get in different positions to try and ease the pain. I called the Dr back at 4:30 and they made me a Dr. appt for that morning. By 5:30 I started sweating and was in so much pain that I started throwing up. I had not thrown up my whole pregnancy until this point. I called Danny and told him he needed to come home now. I called back my Dr. and they told me to go to the emergency room. Waiting for Danny to get home I was in so much pain I couldn't even sit down I was just leaning over the sink and sweating and crying and it hurt really bad. Finally he got home and we went to the ER. Well being 28 weeks pregnant they sent me to Labor and Delivery. So they hooked me up to the monitors for contractions and the baby's heartbeat. They checked my urine but that was all they did. The pain at this point had passed and I was just exhausted from no sleep. I suspected the whole time that I had had a gallbladder attack but they never tested me for this. They gave me some meds for a UTI and sent us on our way. The following week I took the 3 hr glucose test. This time the drink was like a flat sprite. It was really nasty. They then take your blood 3 times and 1 time before the test. So you are there for almost 4 hrs. I got those results back and past with flying colors this time. That was a relief!!

The following Sat was my 1st baby shower. My mom, sister and Aunt Cathy threw it for me. It was so amazing! We had a bunch of people come and we got so much amazing things for Brayson! My sister made me a beautiful diaper cake. Aunt Kelly made Brayson a quilt and a couple of outfits. It was such a nice shower and something I really appreciate that people came to celebrate our little guy with us. It was so nice to see everyone that came out to see me! 2 weeks after that Ty graduated from High school so we had a lot of festivities to celebrate that! The 1st week of June we left to go to Myrtle Beach for the week. I got the all clear from my OB and that was the 2nd to last week that I could safely travel. I tried to stay under the tent for the most part and didn't get in the water very much at all. I got in the pool a few times but not much. It was quite exhausting walking around being pregnant. It rained for 3 days in a row so we only got 3 days in the sun. That was disappointing but probably a good thing for me.

As for 3rd trimester symptoms I think my biggest complaint was being uncomfortable and not finding a good position to sleep in. I was always having to pee. My back was hurting and I was continuing to have rib pain.

Happy 6th Anniversary!!

6 years ago today I married my very best friend!! I was watching our wedding video the other night and in it our pastor was saying that we really had no idea what we were getting into. At the time you think yea right I know... but in reality we had no clue! Marriage takes a lot of work and compromise but through it all I think we've come out stronger. It's not just been about our hopes and dreams together but also our trials and tribulations and that to me is what makes a marriage. It's what you make it through that makes you stronger and we've been through our fair share with the infertility process. I can honestly say that I love Danny so much more today than I did the day we got married. I have watched him grow up and become such an amazing man! He works really hard for us and I am so proud of him for what he does. I'm so excited for our next journey together and for our marriage to grow stronger through being parents. Happy Anniversary Danny! I love you with all my heart!

In other news on Friday I hit the 24 week mark or 6 months. That is a huge milestone because at 24 weeks they consider you at viability meaning with significant medical help the baby "could" survive. On Saturday our nursery furniture came and it looks great! We have a lot of decorating to do to make it just right but we love the furniture and are excited to get his room ready for him! Hitting 6 months made me realize that in just 3 1/2 short months he will be here and there is a lot to do to prepare for him. I can't wait to be this little boys mommy though and making all the preparations just gets me more and more excited! Oh and last week I saw him move on the outside of my belly for the 1st time! It was so neat, I think he was having a party in there b/c he was very active!

We have a busy week ahead! Tomorrow we are going out to celebrate our anniversary b/c today was Easter and we spent it with our family at the lake. Then Tuesday we start childbirth classes and then on Friday is Danny's 28th Birthday and we are going to the Braves home opener game!

Pictures: Our crib, our dresser/changing table, my glider and the dresser and nightstand, the crib with the bedding we picked out, and my 6 month baby belly!

2nd trimester up to this point!

As of today I am 23w4d and will be 6 months on Friday!! :) The 2nd trimester has been so much easier than the 1st. I feel good most days and have a lot more energy. Since 19 weeks I have felt him move every day and I love that. My mom and dad have also felt their grandchild move and it was neat to be able to share that experience with them. Next week Danny and I will begin our childbirth classes and I am really looking forward to them.

2nd trimester symptoms so far. The main thing I think that I have been feeling is my sides stretching. If I eat to much my stomach gets very hard and stretches on the side and it is uncomfortable. Also, your not supposed to sleep on your back while pregnant so I'm supposed to sleep on my sides which is uncomfortable. My hips have been hurting for quite a while and I think it has a lot to do with the 12 weeks of shots I got in them. I also know that your hips spread so there's that too. I have been visiting the chiropractor and getting massages to try and help out with this. As for the aversions they seem to be gone except steak. Gross still! The other thing is my boobs have gone from a 36C to a 38DD which is crazy. I don't know what I'm gonna do or where I will buy bras when my milk comes in.

Brayson responds to my voice and touch and every night I lay in bed and rub my belly and talk to him and he kicks back in response. I love that and I love him! Chipper layed his head on my belly and he got kicked too. I think you can tell how your child is in utero and I believe he will be like his daddy in a few ways. First he can't sit still! 2nd he starts to kick me if I get to hungry and anyone who knows Danny knows that he is the example of the Snickers commercial if he doesn't get food right away! So I believe I'm in for it but I'm so ready! Hopefully he'll get a little bit of my mellowness though at least at times!

Being pregnant has been such a great joy! I feel so many emotions all the time but every bit of it is worth it! Danny and my relationship has never been stronger and going through what we went through to get this baby has really strengthened our bond. I can see the love he has on his face for his son when he talks about him and I know that in a few short months we will both be so in love with our new little one and more in love with each other than ever before. I see his love for me all the time... like when he walks up to me and just rubs my belly. Or he leaves for work and kisses me and kisses my belly or makes sure that he rubs my belly before he leaves and says bye to the baby! I know he will be an excellent father and I can't wait to see him in that role. For a man that didn't know if he ever wanted children I've never seen someone so excited about his son! I feel truly blessed each and every day! Thank you God for our Blessing from above!

21w3d ultrasound! Remember that .01%??

So on Mon, Mar 19th, Danny and I went back in to try and get the rest of the measurements of the baby. It had been 9 days since the previous ultrasound. The baby still wiggled a lot and I have come to the conclusion that this child does not like it's space to be invaded. I also decided I have a mini Danny on my hands b/c this child can not sit still. Hmmm sound like anyone!! Haha!!

We went into the ultrasound room and this lady was so much nicer. She is there regular tech and the lady we had 9 days before was a temp they had hired for the day. So for some reason we asked her to look again at the gender. Well she gets down to that area and she looks at us very seriously and asked us who told us this was a girl. As Danny and I stared at the screen and sitting right on the screen was a very obvious penis. She said this is very obviously a boy not a girl. OMG! I started crying. For 5 weeks that baby had been a little girl to me and now it was quite an obvious little BOY! Danny kinda started arguing with the tech and telling her that the other lady told us 99.9%. I got up and went to the bathroom and came back. We continued with the ultrasound and got a great view of his profile and mouth but couldn't get his spine. I just layed there in shock with tears rolling down my face. She scheduled us to come back on the day of my appt so she could get his spine. Danny filed a formal complaint against the tech from 9 days earlier.

Next stop go tell mom and dad. On the way home I kept looking at the pictures and wondering how someone could miss something that obvious. Danny looked over and was like wow I'm having a son! I'm pretty sure the smile has not left his face since the day we found out it was a boy. I know he was just as excited to have a girl but I think it is every man's dream to have a little boy. I on the other hand was having a really hard time accepting it. Not that I'm not super excited to have a little boy, it was just that I had bonded with a little girl and having a hard time adjusting to the fact that I wouldn't have all my little frilly dresses and bows and pink and purple.

We got to mom's house and I had to pee. Danny said he wanted to tell them so I said okay so mom comes over and says how's the baby. I finished peeing and he told her well the baby is fine but.... it's not a girl. My mom stood there shocked and said what stop playing, seriously, seriously? Danny's like seriously and then she looked at me and I said seriously. We showed her the pic and she was like OMG I would say so. I think mom was having as hard of a time as me adjusting to this. She was like okay well lets go tell your dad. Well of course dad was on what felt like the longest call of my life. When he finally got off we said we had big news. Danny said well the baby is not a girl it's a BOY! My dad just looked at us and laughed and I think said really. We showed him the picture and he was like OMG he's a big boy how did they miss that? We still aren't sure how that was missed twice. Him and Danny both had grins from ear to ear and were super excited about their boy! We video chatted my grandparents and grandpa was super excited too. Then we video chatted Aunt Kelly. I felt so bad for her b/c she had been working on a quilt for the baby and had already completed the outer edges plus some and it was all in coordinating nursery colors for the girl bedding. She was about as shocked as mom and me. We made the calls to the rest of the family and Danny and I headed home.

Those 24 hrs after finding out were very hard for me. For anyone that's ever experienced a gender change it is very hard. It is like mourning the loss of a daughter b/c that is who thought it was for such a long time. I felt so terribly bad about crying and being upset b/c our little boy is very healthy and that is all that matters. I felt so guilty b/c we had been through so much to have this baby and I was so upset. Again, I will say I was not upset that it was a boy, I was upset that the baby I had bonded with wasn't what I thought. I woke up the following day crying and feeling guilty. I then decided to talk to the baby, our little boy, Brayson Keith. I told him that I was so excited for him and that I loved him very much! I told him that I hoped he had his daddy's height and athletic abilities but that he had my competitive side. His dad is very competitive but gets angry and isn't a very good sport when he loses. So that is why I want him to get my competitiveness. B/c I am still competitive just not like Danny. I told him that I hoped he had his grampy's good heart. I told him it would be okay if he got some of the Beaucamp chunk though b/c that might be good for him later on to be a little thicker. Later that day I started to really accept that we were having a little boy and I was starting to feel much better. Feeling him move inside me made me get past it and move on and start to build my bond with my son!

Mom and I went and returned the bedding and got a cute boy set and then returned the clothes. Brayson now has a bunch of clothes in his closet! Danny repainted the nursery. Although it was a light green he said it was girl green and his son needed a darker green. When I think about my son I am so excited to meet him in July! I have visions of him playing in the backyard with his daddy and Chipper! I know that little boys love their mommy's so much and I will be the apple of his eye! I can't wait to see my husband and his little boy and see him want to be just like his dad!

We went back 3 days later and I had a reg dr. appt and I was measuring right at 22w. The baby looked good and the dr said all of the ultrasound results looked perfect. We then went over and got our last ultrasound of his spine. It was beautiful and looked great. We also confirmed that yes it is still a Boy!! Our little boy got a total clean bill of health and so did his mommy!

Pictures: Long legs like daddy! Curled in a ball so we could get his spine! Legs and arms curled up! Fist bumping already! And clearly a BOY!

20 weeks 5 months!! The anatomy scan!

I hit the 20 week mark on Mar 9th. That day we got to go in for our anatomy scan at the dr. I was really excited to get to see Lexie again and make sure that she was still Lexie. This was an hour long scan and they measure everything, the spine, the heart, the legs, the belly every part. It is very cool. We brought my mom and sister so they could see. Well we ended up getting a not very friendly ultrasound tech and were only allowed 1 at a time. I also had to have a full bladder which for a pregnant lady is not easy to do. It's also not easy when you have a baby who does not like your bladder and kicks and punches it all the time! We started the ultrasound and the baby could not sit still. She was all over the place. She started as breech, then went head down and just moved constantly! The lady started the measurements that she could and then looked and confirmed that it was still a girl. She continued her ultrasound and said we were gonna have to come back b/c she couldn't get the babies mouth, nose or spine and those are necessary for cleft palate and spina bifid a. She looked one last time to make sure it was a girl and she said I see the labia and I am 99.9% sure it is a girl. Although, she started to see what looked like the umbilical cord but she said the baby was kicking it and that she was sure it was a girl. Ok awesome I like 99.9% we can rest assured this is a girl! We got some great pictures of her. She was measuring 20w2d which was 2 days ahead of schedule and about 12 oz. I was so excited about my big girl at all of our previous ultrasounds she had been 3 days behind and now she was 2 days ahead!

At 20w4d, Danny felt the baby kick for the 1st time twice! It was so neat to see his face and see the amazement he felt. I of course got tears in my eyes for the moment we had just experienced together. If you know Danny you know that he has the absolute best facial expressions ever! I can't wait to see his face the first time he sees his baby!

We scheduled our next ultrasound for 21w3d to try to get all the measurements before my dr appt on that Thurs.

Pictures are: Me at 20 weeks pregnant. The "girl" shot! A little foot, a little hand waving high! And profile pic!

16 weeks!! Gender Ultrasound!!

So I had heard that you could find out the gender of the baby at 16 weeks. My dr was making us wait until 20w, which felt like an eternity so for my birthday I decided I wanted to go to one of the places and find out what we were having. So on Fri, Feb 10th we went with my parents to find out what we were having. I was going with boy b/c Danny had been convinced that it was girl the whole time. We started the ultrasound and we got to see our baby with the arms and legs wiggling around. The baby was very active but kept it's legs closed. So I got up and went to the bathroom and tried to move around. Well we finally got a view and the baby appeared to have 3 little lines in between the legs which means girl. I started crying! I was so excited I had always wanted a little girl! Danny held my hand and we kept watching the ultrasound and tried to get a peek 3 more times all with the same result! It was so neat to see the baby moving on the screen and see how big she had gotten! I was in amazement. After that Danny and I went to get lunch and went to Kohls and I bought her an outfit. We had decided on the name Lexie Ann for a girl so that was her name. We were both thrilled! That night my mom made dinner and we had my aunt over to tell her what it was. Everyone was excited and my mom and sister had gone shopping and already had bought Lexie a full closet full of clothes. The next day we went and bought her bedding and tried to decide which color to paint the nursery. We decided on Jungle Jill for the bedding and choose the green in it to paint the nursery. Later that week Danny and Shawn worked on the beadboard and Danny painted the nursery. I was so excited for her cute nursery. I was finally starting to get a little bit of a baby bump at this time!! Feeling pretty good which they say the 2nd trimester is the easy one! At 16w4d Valentine's day I felt my 1st kick! I was so excited!! Later that week Tara took me to Babies R Us and helped me register for the baby. OMG it is so overwhelming how many baby products there are and I was so grateful that she took time out of her day to help me do this. I would have been so lost! Over the next few weeks I would rub my belly and talk to Lexie and I was just so excited for her. Mom and I were always looking at all the cute little girl clothes and it was so exciting. At around 19w I started to feel her move on a daily basis which is the most amazing feeling in the world!! It's that reassurance that you know there is a live baby in you and it's just amazing. God is so good and it is truly a miracle when you think of how a life begins and how small it is and what it becomes. I feel like I have been in awe this whole pregnancy at what my body is doing and what is going on inside of me. I thank God daily for this miracle of life he has blessed us with!

Pictures are: Blue shirt 16 weeks, purple shirt 17 weeks, Danny holding the blanket of the bedding set and the color green the room is going to be!

The 1st Trimester!

The Monday after my positive test I went back in to have my blood drawn again to make sure my numbers were increasing but my stupid veins didn't cooperate and we couldn't get the test. Dr. Slayden said my 1st number was so high that he wasn't worried about it. Well on that Wed at 5w5d pregnant I had a little bit of pink spotting. That scared the heck out of me so I decided to go back in on Thurs and try to have my blood drawn again. The spotting was only 1 time when I went to the bathroom but when you've had a loss and gone through what we went through it is quite scary! My number on Thurs came back at 14711 which was really really good too!! I was scheduled to have an ultrasound for the following Mon when I would be 6w3d. They say the heart should be beating by then so I anxiously awaited that appt. Well Sat evening really late I started spotting again but this time it was heavier than the last time. I was so so scared. Sunday was brutally long for me and I was so anxious for Mon to find out if everything was okay. The spotting did taper off but still very scary. On Mon, Dec 5th, Danny and I were to find out if we were expecting twins or 1 and see the baby for the very first time. We brought my mom with us and we waited for the ultrasound.

Laying on the table she started the ultrasound and there on the screen was 1 perfect sack and the tiniest little blob in it with a beating heart. Danny had the biggest smile on his face and I'm pretty sure I cried. She let us listen to the hb and it was beating at 113bpm at that point which was perfect. It was so amazing to see something that small but it already had a heartbeat. The baby at that point measured at .04mm. So tiny! We were ecstatic!! I was scheduled to go back 2 weeks later for another ultrasound to make sure everything still looked good!

I have a funny story for in between this time! I am not an emotional person and don't really cry a lot. Well my dad who will never live this down gave me my 1st emotional pregnancy moment. He called and said he was going up to the lake and asked if he could bring me back a piece of strawberry cake! I said YES!! Well this was at like 11:30 am and I was impatiently waiting for him to get back with my cake. Around 1:30 I called him and he was on his way home and I asked if he was going to bring me my cake. He said maybe but wasn't sure. I thought for sure he would bring it to me!! Well around 2:30 I saw him log back into the computer and I was crushed. I started bawling my eyes out b/c my dad didn't bring me my cake! I realized how stupid this was and started laughing too! I video chatted my dad and he was laughing at me too. I did however, have to get in my car and go get my cake! All I can say is wow I can't believe I cried over cake but hey my emotions are all over the place being pregnant!

On Mon, Dec 19th we went in to make sure the baby was growing appropriately. I was 8w3d at this point. We brought mom and dad this time. I really wanted dad to be able to see his 1st grandchild. So we did the ultrasound and there was our little miracle blob! Our baby had quadrupled in size in just 2 weeks and was now .16mm!! The heart beat at this point was around 170 bpm and Danny decided based on Old Wives tales that it was a girl!! On that day I got dismissed from RBA and was released to go to my OB/GYN through Kaiser. I made my 1st appt and we went in at 9w6d. On Christmas Eve we announced to the rest of dad's family that we were expecting our 1st child!! Then on Christmas was mom's family turn. I made both sets of Great Grandparents a picture frame that told them we were expecting. It was very exciting and everyone was thrilled!!

We went in for ob/gyn appt and got to have another ultrasound. It is so amazing to see how quickly a baby grows. At this appt the hb was 174bpm and you could start to make out where the arms and legs were forming. The baby was wiggling around and it was very cool to see. I was told to come back in 4 weeks and we made the appt. 4 weeks felt like a long time b/c up to this point I had been continually monitored and to have to go 4 weeks was crazy.

As far as symptoms go, I got away pretty lucky. I was really tired all the time and I was having some major food aversions (steak and cheeseburgers yuck). I never got physically sick though and that was great for me. Also, I was starting to get bloody noses. I rolled over in bed 1 morning and my nose started dripping blood. It took Danny and I 45 min to get my nose to stop bleeding. It was crazy. Danny went and bought me a humidifier that day. I got about 4 bloody noses total all when waking up. At 12 weeks pregnant I woke up and my chest felt so heavy. I felt like I had the flu with fever and all and went to the dr. I ended up having a URI (upper respiratory infection). Ugh! At this point I wasn't excited about taking meds for this b/c I didn't want to take anything to harm the baby, but they reassured me these drugs were safe during pregnancy. Also, during and up to this point I was still wearing estrogen patches and Danny was giving me the progesterone injection daily. At 12 weeks pregnant was my last progesterone shot!! I was so excited to be done but also scared. At 12 weeks they say the placenta should have taken over. Up to this point my pregnancy was reliant on the injection and patches. The 1st trimester felt like the longest 3 months of my life! I was constantly worried that something would happen. Danny and I ordered a home doppler so we could hear the babies hb anytime we wanted. It cost $60 and was so worth it. The day we got it in I woke him up at lunch time and we found the babies hb. I was 13weeks. It was so awesome to hear it on our own doppler and know the baby was just fine! At 14 weeks we had our 2nd OB appt and the baby did not cooperate so we had to have an ultrasound to find the hb but we did and got a clean bill of health. Well the next day I got a call and I had a UTI. So I was still on the other meds and now had to add another one I was not happy. But in other news I was officially out of my 1st trimester and also what is considered the danger zone. So finally I think I can start to relax somewhat and start to be really excited. Danny and I went and ordered our nursery furniture that night! Very excited to get it!

OMG!! I'm pregnant!!! Finally!!!

On Tues, Nov 22nd, I went in and had my blood drawn to find out if we were indeed pregnant or not. I had a good feeling but was still scared out of my mind. My parents were out of town that week on a cruise so I was working at their house with Karen. Karen and I went to lunch and I was so anxious to find out the results. We talked about it and then talked about if it was negative and what we would do then. Karen and I had left the restaurant and were in the car and around 1:15 I got a call from the nurse. She said well your numbers look really good.... your pregnant. I started crying immediately saying: really, really? Karen was slapping my leg and was so excited too! My number was 910 which is a really high number for that day. Since it was Thanksgiving week they told me to come back in on Mon and have my next test done. Karen and I were screaming in the car and I was like I have to go tell Danny. So she turned the car around and drove me up to headquarters. Danny was working at headquarters b/c he had had surgery the month before to remove the screws and plates in his ankle. So, I went in and asked the front desk person to call Danny up front. He walked out and I gave him a hug and said "We're pregnant"!!! He was like OMG really. He just hugged me and kissed me and we smiled and laughed and were so excited! Karen and I left and went back to work. That night Danny and I went out with Tara and Michael to celebrate our good news.

A few days later was Thanksgiving and since my parents were gone and still did not know the news, Danny and I had to hold it in. Then on Sat my parents were on there way home and it felt like the longest day waiting on them to get back. Finally sometime after 8pm they were home. After hugs and kisses my mom was like well I'm dying tell me. So I said well "We're Pregnant"!!! At that point I was 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant! That was such a long week waiting to tell mom and dad they were going to be grandparents finally! I told them I was due July 27th, 2012. We were all so excited!! No one in the extended family knew but apparently dad had been a blabber mouth and told his parents we were doing this again so we video chatted them and told them they were going to be great grandparents!

The Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)

About a week after meeting with Dr. Slayden, I ovulated and we were told to begin Lupron injections. I was told I would be on Lupron for about 2 to 3 weeks until my next cycle started. In the meantime I had researched ways to improve our odds and decided to try acupuncture (more needles). My mom and dad offered to pay for that part of it for us b/c starting a 2nd IVF procedure although less expensive was still a lot of money. My mom and I met with the acupuncturist and he said my pulse was very weak and that my hands and feet were really cold which meant that my uterus was cold and the blood supply to it was weak. He recommended 10 treatments. So I started that treatment.

In the meantime, my tennis team had made it to the Sectional tennis tournament in Macon, GA. I went and played and our team won again, giving us an invitation to the National Tennis tournament in Tucson, AZ. This left me very emotional. The 1st round of IVF I had told everyone about what we were doing but this time around to help keep my emotions in check we decided to keep this on the extreme down low. So no one on my tennis team knew that Danny and I were well on our way to doing the frozen embryo transfer. Going to Nationals was not only expensive but would not be possible if I did not go b/c there was only 6 of us and we all had to play every match. So we told the team about the FET. Everyone understood and was really sweet about it. I told them to please let me think about it. After arriving home I realized that I really wanted to go play in Nationals. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Also, upon arriving home I had started my period which meant I was ready to start the FET. I called the Dr. 1st thing on Mon morning to find out what my options were. The 1st time around I wasn't allowed to play tennis so I wasn't sure if we could push it back or what. Well my "cycle" was to begin on Oct 21st. If all went well my embryo transfer was scheduled for Nov 9th. My Dr. told me that b/c by the time we went to Tucson, that the embryo would be implanted by then or not so that I was allowed to play. I was so excited so I let my team know and everyone made plans to go and I also started the process for the FET. I had to go in for another suppression check and I had a few small cysts but nothing that should prevent us from starting our cycle. So I stayed on Lupron and I started wearing Estrogen patches again. On Halloween I went in and had another check and besides the cysts everything looked good and I was told to start the progesterone injection on Fri, Nov 4th. All the needles up to this point had been a small insulin needle. The progesterone injection needle was really long and had to go in my hip. I was so nervous and scared. In this time I had learned to give myself the Lupron injection in my thighs but b/c this was my hip Danny had to do this injection. He had to hold the skin tight and he gave me this shot. Then b/c it is oil and hard to absorb he had to massage it in everyday for around 5 mins. These injections were painful but worth it to me so I just pushed through it.

On Wed, Nov 9th, 2011, Danny and I went in for our Frozen Embryo Transfer. Everything looked good and they transferred 2 embryos. For the rest of that day and the whole next day I lay in bed just trying to relax and take it easy. On Thurs, our tennis team had a fundraising event at Chick-Fil-A that I went too. On Sun am I woke up with a little bit of a rash on my chest and freaked out. Last time in my mind it meant that something was wrong. I was told I could come in on Thurs before we left and take a test or I could wait until I got back. For the sake of my tennis team we decided to wait until we got back to do the test. This way I could enjoy our trip whether the test was negative or positive and also try to not be distracted on the tennis court.

On Thurs, Nov 17th, we boarded the plane for Tucson, AZ. I had been noticing that I was having some cramping and stomach pressure but was trying not to think about it. I also had noticed that my sense of smell seemed a little higher. But anyone who has been trying to have a baby knows that your mind can and will play tricks on you to make you think you are pregnant. My boobs also hurt but I just tried to shrug that off to the progesterone injections. We arrived in Tucson and had the time of our lives!! While there my friend and teammate, Sharon, kept burping and I was dying. No one else could smell them but me and she swore that I was pregnant. The last day there, Sun, we all drove up a mountain together and started down in 75 degree weather with cactus's and then by the time we were at the top it was 40 degrees and snow was on the ground. It was a truly amazing day and we had such a great time with our friends. I really believe that having this trip planned was such a good distraction for Danny and I with the fertility stuff we were going through. On Mon, we boarded our plane to come home and I could smell all the food and even the drinks on board. I was starting to get very optimistic b/c I wasn't spotting and had no sign of my period and I had a lot of good signs. I still had to wait until the next day for my test though.

Undergoing IVF

To start our IVF cycle I had to go on birth control for 14 days. During this time my tennis team went to State Championships and we actually won which meant an invitation to the Sectional tennis tournament in Oct. My whole team knew we were getting ready to start this IVF process so I wasn't sure if I would be able to go in Oct but I went ahead and signed up anyway just in case. A few days after stopping birth control I went in for a suppression check and all came back good. 2 days later on Sat, Aug 20th, 2011, Danny gave me my very 1st shot to start stimulating my ovaries to produce a lot of eggs. My 1st shot and the following 5 days was a mixture of 2 meds in 1. Gonal-f and menopur. That 1st shot I was so scared! We were at the lake and I remember sitting in the chair and kinda freaking out. Danny pinched my stomach and just did it. For getting a shot in my stomach it was not to bad, but still scary. Over the next days I got a lot better about it. I just sat in a chair, leaned back and covered my eyes while he did it. On Wed I had my 1st appt to monitor my progress. I was responding really well and at that point had to had another shot called Ganirelix to stop me from ovulating before they were ready. So on Wed night I had to get 2 shots in the stomach. Then at 7am on Thurs I had to have another dose of Ganirelix and more Dr. appts. On Fri I went in and had my pre-op meeting and met with the Dr to talk about my progress. I had to go in on Sat and Sun and Sun I got the call that I was ready to go. On Sun night at about 10 pm Danny gave me a shot of HCG which would make my body ovulate in 36 hours. We were scheduled to be at the office bright and early on Tues, Aug 30th for my procedure. I was very nervous. For this procedure it involves having an IV put in and then they put a needle through your vagina to capture the eggs. Thank goodness they do put you to sleep for that but it is quite scary. While I went for my procedure Danny gave his part. He said it was very short procedure maybe about 15 min and the Dr. said it was a success. They were able to remove 15 eggs. I was told to relax and take it easy for the rest of that day.

The next day feels like a very long day. You are told you will be called with the fertilization report by 1pm. Well at like 1:15 I finally got my call. They removed 15 eggs, 12 of which were mature. Out of those 12 they used 10 of the for a procedure called ICIS which is where they directly put 1 sperm into 1 egg. The other 2 we wanted to see if they would fertilize naturally or naturally in IVF terms. Well to our surprise all 12 eggs had fertilized. Next you wait to see if they are strong enough to grow into a 5 day embryo or if they need to do a 3 day embryo. They want to be able to do a 5 day embryo b/c if it was natural the 5 day embryo would be where it needs to be when the embryo lands in the uterus and is ready for implantation. We were scheduled for a 5 day embryo transfer which took place on Sun, Sep 4th.

We went in to have our embryo transfer and were extremely optimistic. We got a picture of what would hopefully become our baby and they did the procedure. We only put 1 embryo in b/c of our age. This is not painful but very uncomfortable. You must have a full bladder and they have an ultrasound wand pushed down on your bladder. They then insert the embryo into your uterus through a catheter in your cervix. Then you have to lay there with a full bladder for 5 min. The day after the egg retrieval I had started wearing estrogen patches and that day I started taking a vaginal progesterone insertion. Being that it was Labor Day weekend I just tried to take it very easy for the next 2 days. After embryo transfer they have you on very limited activities so your body doesn't undergo anything to not accept the embryo. The wait to find out if you are pregnant is 10 loooooonnnnnnngggggg days. The Friday after the embryo transfer my chest, face and neck broke out into a horrible rash. I figured it was a reaction to the possibly the progesterone. It subsided after a few days but was weird. I was scheduled for my pregnancy test on Wed, Sep 14th. Well on Mon I started to spot. Spotting for me has always meant my period is coming so my heart started to sink. This began our week of hell. The spotting was light and tapered off and then came back. I cried on Mon but tried to remain hopeful. On Tues the spotting was very light so I tried to be hopeful until later in the afternoon when the spotting turned more red. By around 5:30 or so I was full blown bleeding and my heart was crushed. I cried and cried and was so upset. The next day wasn't any better. I had to go in for my pregnancy test. Well, I get there and none of my veins worked. I got stuck a few times with not a drop of blood coming out and then got sent to Quest instead. Well I got to Quest and the fire alarm goes off so I left and got breakfast and went back to the dr. office and had them try again. Well after being poked a total of 5 times she gave up and told me to go back to Quest. I did and luckily that lady got it on the 1st try. I didn't hear back from the dr. office that day so the next morning I called and was waiting for a call back.

Around lunch time on Thurs, Dr. Slayden called me. He told me that my pregnancy test came back as positive but the number was really really low. My number was 16 and to be a viable pregnancy at that point it needs to be around 50. He said that I was miscarrying. Basically having a miscarriage that early is called a chemical pregnancy. The embryo implants but for some reason does not make it. Most women never even know that this happens b/c they start to bleed when they would get there period. I needed to go back in on the following Mon and make sure that all of the HCG had left my body. I made an appt for Danny and I to meet with Dr. Slayden on Wed, Sept 21st to discuss our next option and what happened. I have to say going through this probably is the hardest thing I have ever done. My heart was broken, my spirits crushed and I was just so sad. I wondered why I had felt so lead to do IVF from God and then it didn't work. Then I felt so bad for questioning God and I had to not be angry but no this was for a reason. We continued to pray everyday for our miracle.

Meeting Dr. Slayden we decided that we should do a frozen embryo transfer. I would start by taking Lupron (another injection) for about 2 to 3 weeks to suppress my ovaries. Dr. Slayden told us that frozen embryo transfers were more successful b/c the body isn't so stressed from everything the IVF procedures put them through. We had 4 frozen embryos and we would put 2 in when the time came. Next is starting this very long cycle!

Deciding to undergo IVF!

There is a lot to think about when deciding to undergo IVF. Not only is it ridiculously expensive but there is a lot that goes into it. IVF is scary, it involves A LOT of needles and procedures and bloodwork and time in general. I had a lot to think about, was I sure that I wanted to do this, was I sure that sticking needles in my body everyday is something I wanted or could do? I started praying about it and felt that I wasn't scared of it anymore that this is what we needed to do to have our baby. Next was getting Danny onboard. I believe men always look at the financial cost of things and not the outcome. Yes undergoing IVF is a gamble it is not guarenteed but my thinking was that it was worth a shot maybe our last shot at having our own kid(s) someday.

Going through infertility you realize you are not alone at all. Through tennis I had developed good friendships with 2 women that had undergone the struggles of infertility also. It is so reassuring to have someone who knows what you are going through to be there with you and I am so grateful for them. I hope that no one ever has to undergo this battle but when you do it is so great to have your support system in place. Through them it was recommended that Danny and I check out RBA which is the RE both of them used and had their kids through.

I made an appt for Danny and I to visit Dr. Slayden in June of 2011. Danny still wasn't sold on the idea so I said lets go in and talk to them and see what he has to say. Have you ever walked into a room or met someone and knew that this is where God had lead you too? Well this is how I felt about Dr. Slayden almost immediately upon meeting him. He used sporting terms and cars speeding down the highway to describe to Danny what exactly our bodies were doing and why we weren't getting pregnant. He told us that for as long as we had been trying that we really only had a 1% chance of getting pregnant on our own each month and that he thought that we probably would get pregnant one day but it might be years and years. He told us he thought IVF was our best and really only option. He said that we had about a 70% chance of getting pregnant the 1st time and if we had to do a frozen embryo transfer our chances were about 96% between the 2 cycles. I left that appt feeling great and knowing that this is exactly where we needed to be. After the appt, Danny and I talked and decided that this was the right thing for us to do.

Preparing for IVF involves a lot of different things. 1st we needed to decide how in the world we were going to pay for this. We decided the best thing to do was to liquidate my 401k and use that money to pay off Danny's truck. Then we decided to take a loan against our savings acct to pay for the cost of IVF. Next came a butt load of blood tests that both Danny and I needed to get done. I had to go in 2 times b/c they needed about 15 viles of blood and I have really bad veins so they couldn't get it all the 1st time. I also had to have an HSG which is basically putting water in your uterus to make sure there is no adhesions or fibroids. All came back clear including the bloodwork. Next came a meeting with the IVF nurse so Danny could learn how to properly give me shots. That was scary.... anyone that knows me knows that I was scared of needles so just seeing them made me feel really scared. Next step start the process!!

Getting Pregnant Should be Easy.... Right???

Ever since I was little the only thing I ever wanted to do was be a mom and wife! Even in high school when everyone is deciding what they want to do or what college they wanted to go to my only dream was still to be a wife and mother. After marrying Danny I was a wife next in my mind was a baby. I would have started trying the night we got married but Danny wasn't quite ready yet so we decided to wait to start trying for 2 years. In that time to occupy myself I started playing tennis and found a new passion I never knew I had. After about a year of marriage I realized I really didn't like the way that birth control was making my body feel so I decided I was no longer going to take it. Danny wasn't ready to "try" yet so we just didn't do anything to prevent it. After our 2nd anniversary I realized that after being off birth control for a year that my periods were very irregular and that was going to cause a problem with trying to get pregnant. So I scheduled an appointment with a OB/GYN and went in. I was diagnosed with mild PCOS, which basically means I had characteristics of it but not full blown. My characteristics were not hormonal but I did have tiny cyst rings around my ovaries which is one of the signs. The Dr. decided that we should try Clomid, a drug that makes you ovulate, and said I should be pregnant by the fall. So we started taking Clomid and at the end of that month I got my period so I had to go back in and have an ultrasound and bloodwork and get a prescription for another round. Well this continued on straight through the fall and I was on Clomid for about 10 months. After that 10th month my Dr. sat me down and told me that they couldn't do anything else for us and that it was time to move on to an RE. Danny had been tested as well and it turns out we both had some issues but nothing too significant that we shouldn't get pregnant. So around Feb or Mar of 2009, Danny and I met with an RE. We decided that we would try an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). He put me on a drug called Metforim to regulate my cycle and starting in April with the beginning of my cycle I stated taking Femera to make me grow eggs. Femera is generally used to treat breast cancer but in studies found that some women respond better to it as an ovulatory drug. I had to be monitored through bloodwork and ultrasound to see how my eggs were growing and when they were ready we went for the procedure. I remember it fell on a Sunday. We had to be there early so Danny could give his part and then we went to breakfast and waited for them to be ready for my part. We went back in the room and found out that after the wash our count was not very good. I remember us both leaving there feeling very defeated and just knowing that it did not work. I had to go back the next Sun for bloodwork to check my progesterone level which was good and then the following Sun for my pregnancy test. It came back negative and that was hard. At the Dr. office they were just like let us know when you want to come back in. Well, I wasn't and neither was Danny. The IUI was expensive and emotionally draining.

For the next 2 years Danny and I decided to step back a little and just try the old fashioned way! I decided I needed to lose weight and put all my time and energy into that instead of TTC (trying to conceive). I lost about 40lbs in 6 months and felt great. Any couple who has had infertility will tell you it is hard not only on yourself but on your marriage. I think both people begin to feel guilty that it is them and begin to withdraw b/c you can't give the person you love the most in the world what they want. Danny and my relationship definitely took a hit and we had drifted apart for sure. It took some struggles but we worked through our differences and started to work on our marriage again. I stopped being so obsessed with TTC and really stepped back. For our 5th anniversary we took a cruise on the Allure of the Seas. This is where I noticed Danny staring at babies and smiling at them. I remember him pointing out a baby on the plane that I didn't even notice. For the next few weeks I started to think about that and realized I was pretty sure he was ready now. Then came the hard part... deciding that I was pretty sure there was no way this was going to happen on it's own and that we were going to need medical intervention, meaning IVF.